Pick up the Pen.

My grampa told me there is not much he could do, he had been through this twice. He is speaking of living through the death of my Uncle Steve and then the death of my gramma. He said that the pain is unthinkable and one day you wake up and throw your legs over the bed and realize you are still breathing, still here. That is when you realize it is time to start living again.

My father passed away yesterday morning.

It seems like five years ago, it seems like it never happened at all.

I sit here pondering if this is the ending of a life or a chapter or an era and realize that it is much more cyclical. For from this event my father has possibly launched my writing career, a better relationship with my family and shown my two wayward 20 something sons that it is time to grow up. For what he could not articulate in his life he will guide in his death, the very love he has for all of us.

My youngest son was going to school and working part-time. It was not working out for him as he has two young children to raise and finally he came to the realization that he needed to work full-time. He had been looking for a job and looking.

Today he and I went all over town and just happened to stop at a new construction site. The guy at trailer told him to read the sign at the door, they were no longer hiring. He came out not dejected but still determined. Out the door comes a guy yelling and asking if my son needed a job. The next thing I know my son is at a job site talking with this same man and the foreman. I watch from a distance. I see a posture I know. It is not that I see my Dad there but I see the workings of the man there, as I have seen a million times before in my life. My son got the job.

Turn the Page.

A new president has been selected and this evening I sit and wait for the telephone to ring. I knew this evening would arrive one day but did not expect it now. My Mother and Uncle are speeding over a mountain in Vermont to reason with a man who has spent his life being in control and using common sense. They will try to convince him that the breathing tube is necessary if he wants to see his girls one last time. It is not what he wants but he may falter at the mention of the girls.

As you, yourself, get older you really don't think about the people in your life dying. Somewhere in the back of your mind, it is obvious it will happen, but it is not prevalent in day to day life. Your parents seem so infallible so when they age and then become weakened by disease it is shocking. My mom called only days ago to say he was in the ICU. He needed assistance with his breathing and today she tells me that he would need life support to sustain his life but he will not accept that. That much I had figured out already. I know this man well.

This is a man who I have seen fell trees and build a building by himself. I have watched him throughout my life take care of his family and his home by getting up early every day and working hard. I have seen him at his toughest and at his weakest. I have watched him help people who could not help themselves and make people laugh when they were sad. I have gotten advice and ass-kickings. I have gotten his support when I needed it. He taught me how to rely on my head and my abilities to get a job done. When I called him today, I could not bare to hear his voice through the breathing machine. It was not him.

Forty nine years. That is what I have had with him. I pray my Mother and Uncle do not ask him to do something he doesn't feel is right just to see the girls one last time.

I asked him today, "Do you remember what you got us one Christmas that you had to hide in the shed?" and he said, "Yes, and so do you." I replied, "Yes, I do."

This is the time I want him to remember. This is the time I want him to return to in those final moments. I wish for him to go back in time and embrace the girls again when they were young, hold tight and then calmly go home to God.

VOTE!

Fellow Americans, VOTE. We have will have no one to blame but ourselves if we do not like who is in the White House. It is your civic duty and should be your honor. It is your heritage arising from the landing at Plymouth Rock and extending to this day where our sons and daughters fight on foreign soil to keep this, our country, FREE.

Tricks or Treats!

To all of you who look forward to this night, be safe out there.

Goblins and ghouls
teacherous fools
lurk in the shadows
where there are
no rules.

witches, their cats
around the cauldron
potions they mix
one frog's eye
an essence of bat.

I fear you going
out into this night
stay close, my dear
just under the
porch light.

I cannot save you
if you wander far
once from the stoop
you are subject to
the perils
of the night.

I have been away.

As if someone has missed me, I have been away. Not really anywhere, but surgery has caused me to not sit at my computer for more than two minutes at a time. Finally feeling more like myself, I am up and about and the fingers are moving once again.

The one thing about surgery is it: makes you rely on someone else and it makes you relax. Neither I like to do. I am totally independent person and do not want anyone to take care of me. Well surgury dictates life for you awhile. Then because they fill you full of all sorts of incantations you are by default relaxing for maybe the first time in YEARS. That part doesn't feel all that bad.

Honestly, now that I have the down time, I am rethinking my whole career path and what I am doing with my life. I want to write. All the time. The only way I am going to do that is quit my current job. QUIT. People do it. They take that leap of faith in themselves and JUMP. I have some time to think about it and it has been on my mind.

Ol Gramp

That's my grampa off to the left there with the long blond hair holding a bag of feed surrounded by sheep. The family tells me that there wasn't money for hair cuts, but I am sure my great gramma, who we called Big Gramma, had some scissors. But then times were hard then, unlike anything we know now.

Ol Gramp, that is what he calls himself now, is 90 years old. He asked me when I am going to stop working. I say about the time he does. At 90 he is making furniture. He has worked since he was a young boy. He didn't finish grade school because he had to work the farm to keep it going. I really don't know if he ever got a high school diploma, but he is the most astute business man I have ever met.

These days he makes observations about life and asks me why somebody isn't doing it. I tell him because it doesn't make money.

He thinks that restaurants that throw away food should be donating it to the hungry and the hungry or liberals should not be grumbling about it. This country has seen times where people have stood in lines for food. This world still sees people in lines waiting for food today. It is a simple move that could work and make a difference.

He dislikes the health care system, though he has benefited from science and the doctors in the medical field. It is the insurance and Medicare/Medicaid system that is corrupt. And probably a few doctors that should get their asses kicked.

He thinks it is crazy that the houses around him are being sold for one million dollars. He bought his first house for $1500. It was a Kit Home from Sears. I imagine the land was given to them from one of the families maybe my gramma's. He doesn't know how his great great grandchildren are going to be able to buy a house when they grow up.

He worries about leaving us in this mixed up world.

I don't worry about it, I know he will be with me. I have a little grandson, who I was telling one day about how I walked to school when I was a little girl. I didn't take the bus. I walked a long way and sometimes in the snow. My grandson said to me, "Yeah, I know, Gramma, I was with you".

It's the Great Pumpkin...No I mean the Great Debate, Charlie Brown.

In watching the debate last night my observations were minimal. I tend to nod off with some subjects. Economics, taxes, health care and aligning with terrorists is of concern to me. I thought the strongest moment in the debate was when McCain stated "I am not President Bush". Round of applause.

I was waiting for the Ayers connection to arise and McCain brought it up but did not hit below the belt with it. He is not that type of man. The subject was brought up and we all know the story. We watched Obama squirm in his seat. I have listened to reporters this am speak of Obama's great composure. Yeah, Obama has great composure in not coming across the table and throttling McCain. That is what I saw. A man grinding his teeth and smirking at comments. He showed comtempt for McCain when looking at him. If you think any of us couldn't see that, then you are dumber than you think we are!

This is what turns me off on Obama. He does not show a true face. While McCain brought up the Ayers issue he did not grind it to the ground. The man is capable of that much, he was a POW in Vietnam, REMEMBER. He knows composure and restrain much more than any of us could possibly understand. He also has years upon years of experience working in the government. He knows the military and foreign affairs. He can fix the economic crisis. One thing we can be sure of he will not run a government that is corrupt. Can we say that about Obama. Is that the change we want? Corruption? Vega, over and out, Ground Floor.